It’s been about 4 months since I wrote a song. This is the longest I’ve ever gone without writing music since the ripe age of 12. I made and released my most recent album, Honest Lies, this past year. At the very end of the whole thing I was exhausted, broke and terribly lonely. In less than 2 years I moved 6 times across 5 states (6 if you include retreats to California to help a friend with his record; 25-30 something if you count touring with Locksley) I chased empty promises from fellow musicians, managers, and a&r reps from various record labels. These pursuits never yielded their promise. I fought the threat of the onset of bitterness through the pursuit of education at local colleges and also by incessantly making music (aside from Honest Lies; i have about 3 records worth of music i have yet to release). The realization of the odds of making this lifestyle self-sustaining became more and more real as time went on. It wasn’t just my personal experience. I witnessed some of my mentors and peers experience similar struggles. One example; a band I occasionally tech’d for was backstage at the Late Night with Conan O’Brien show. The singer looked around the greenroom and looked somewhat distraught. I asked what his deal was and I’ll never forget his response; “You know I always thought that when bands played the Conan show like… this was it. They made it. This is their job and they’re making a decent living. You know what happened to me today? I had to count change out of my change jar just to cover the $2 subway ticket to get here.” I’ll never forget that.
Another example; a well known band (notice I’m purposely omitting names here) had to rely on favors just to make their most recent album. This band is known all over the world. Corporate music magazines label them as one of the most important bands of the last decade. Yet the money they make on their sold out tours is barely enough to cover the cost of touring itself. Two out of the three band members share a shitty apartment in Los Angeles and can’t afford health insurance or decent meals.
The two successful bands I just mentioned have been able to sustain themselves, but barely. The main difference between them and Prospect is that they worked in a team; a brotherhood of sorts. A brotherhood; something I always longed for but for whatever reasons, perhaps flaws in my own personality, never managed to sustain. Prospect was never supposed to be some fucking solo thing. It started out as a band but always ended up being just one person. I never wanted to be the guy on stage by himself with a drum machine. Sure enough, I became just that. Hence why I always turned down shows and tours. Again I’m not bitter. I suspect this came from my own Napoleonic desire to steer the ship of creativity. In art, this impulse becomes a fountain of fortunes for few, but for most (as in my case); a hindrance.
Currently music as a self sustaining endeavor is rubbish. A very select few (key term; select) have been able to break through these chains and live off their work. Usually they have to compromise big parts of who they are and their craft. I was never able to do this. I love music and art too much to fake it. To conform. I’d rather go to school and try to fit a different mold than to compromise the autonomy of my expression.
With that being said I would like to add that I’m optimistic for the future. Some sort of innovation will come into existence and odd artsy bands like mine will once again be able to sustain themselves a little easier. The revolution is coming. I can feel it. There is evidence all around us (for example, the super low cost of making a good sounding album today). However it’s not there yet and I don’t feel like being a martyr. I want to enjoy life and not suffer just because I wish to escape through music.
I haven’t quit music. Instead I quit making sacrifices for music. The difference is tremendous. I’m not going to put $1000 on my credit card to fly out to Hollywood just because so-and-so-fat-man-with-deep-pockets MIGHT be at the show and MIGHT want to do something. Or (as in the case for Honest Lies); I’m not going to sell all my things, quit my job, dump my hot fickle Russian girlfriend (fuck i miss her!haha), lose my friends; just to move to a different town because MAYBE I’ll have two bandmates. No more of that. Admittedly it was an awesome journey. What I’ve gained from it is tremendous. I look back fondly at memories in Delaware when the album was coming together. It wasn’t just the album that came together. It was me. I was lost and became found. I found myself through my own means and by not seeking guidance that I once longed for. At the end I retreated to Florida where everything seemed to come together in some weird way. I learned that life is short & precious and must be spent lavishly. Ideally with other people. Experiences mean little unless shared. I’ve always believed this, but this experience solidified that belief. The past is meaningless, the future guaranteed to none, the present moment is the most precious. Everything and anything that’s ever happened anywhere to anyone has always and only ever happened in the moment of now.
Oh and to answer the question about “who is Honest Lies about”? It’s not about anyone. It’s about the murder of an idea, not a person (see cover art- notice it’s a broken mannequin). In this case the idea was that of an idealistic relationship and the confusion, turmoil, and self discovery that occurs after a break-up. Honest Lies is amazing and I love it. The next record (which is already done) is even more awesome because it’s way different. It’s not about me or any particular event or story. It’s just good ol’ electro punk rock.
10 days from now I’ll be reunited with what’s left of my music gear (had to sell most of it to eat and move back to nyc) and I’m sure I’ll write more songs and put out the ones I haven’t put out yet. This music is precious and I hope you experience even just 1% of the thrill that I do when I listen to it. Even 1% is tremendous. I’m the biggest fan of Prospect and I suppose that’s all that really matters. If you like it; the validation is nice. Now. Help me change the world and pay for my education by buying my records! There are three out now and maybe more in the near future (school and work time permitting). Why did I title this goodbye 2010? Well there are only 2 months left and I intend on spending those 2 months studying and meditating. This year has been amazing and I’ve already closed it. Now I’m on that blank page that typically precedes a new chapter in a good book.

This song was the last thing I did before tearing down the studio in Florida this past Summer. Everything was done in one pass, without overdubbing, or writing anything down. It’s as pure as musical expression gets. Listening to it gives me chills, goosebumps, tears of joy, tears of sadness, gives me comfort yet makes me uncomfortable and an indescribable feeling of being alive and having experienced something wonderful. I really hope you feel even a fraction of that when you listen to it.